My Male Bestfriend.

I was 19, I worked in a supermarket, in the city I lived in. My mother also worked in this supermarket, is the way I got myself into the position. I will add that I wasn’t in the same department as her, so there was no special treatment and we barely worked the same hours.

In Australia, for supermarkets, in my experience, they employ people in groups. Group interviews then a small number of those actually get a position, while this isn’t always the case, as in mine, but it is common.  I was employed not in a group but I wasn’t worried.

Within a couple of months, there was a group of people that were employed to help over the Christmas period. ( I was someone who always got along with and understood the older people. I would have friends that were my mother’s age or above, I still have friends that age and still love them like I always did but sometimes I just missed having friends my own age that wanted to party or drink or even just chill out! rather than being too old and not wanting to do anything. )

In the group of people that were employed, I found a guy, he was sweet, reserved but overly friendly in the same way. He would make conversation with anyone and everyone. I guess I kind of admired him for that. He was never hard to talk to, every conversation, he made me feel comfortable, I could and did tell him everything, from boyfriend stories to period problem, he understood them all, hell he even helped me when my period surprised me one night.

For my job, I finished at midnight, so as did he. We ended up talking after work, A LOT. I don’t mean a 5-minute chat after work, wish each other a goodnight and go. I mean finishing at midnight and still being in the carpark at 5am when the day shift started to roll in for the next day.

After about a week we decided we had a problem and needed to find somewhere else to hang out and talk so we didn’t continually meet the morning shift in the work carpark.

We went to a children’s park which was about 20 minutes from where we both worked. Now thinking about it, that sounds worse and even more creepy, but for some reason, I trusted him and we took a risk.

We were both single, so, I guess I didn’t really care if we just stayed friends, had sex in the park or ended up being lovers, it was all up in the air and I was just along for the ride.
We would park our cars next to each other, sit on our boot/trunks of our cars and just talk, for hours! There was so much to talk about, so much to learn. Sleeping didn’t even really play a part in it. We were so interested in our conversations that we forgot it was 3, 4,5,6,7,8am.

We were getting closer than ever. We would sit on the swings, move onto the play equipment, we were never far apart. At one stage, we were listening to music and our hands kind of just slid together, nothing else, sitting side by side and holding hands.

This wasn’t a regular thing. We weren’t holding hands every day or starting to kiss, nothing serious. He was kind of just my best friend who we happened to hold hands once.

Our relationship was stable, we were great, I went with him to his family gathering which he didn’t want to attend alone. I would go over to his house and chill out in his room, we would listen to music and jam out. I was playing with his brother and sister, we would cook together, his family added me on facebook and everything.

Now reliving this, as I’m telling you, I can see a different perspective. I can see the flirting, I can see the potential for our relationship. I can see how he felt about me.

One particular night, we were at ‘the park’ which was the name we gave our park we would go too. We were listening to our favourite band, sitting down on a bench and there was tension. I was pacing back and forth, he was confused just watching me, listening to his music. We were talking eventually, I’d calmed down, walked over to him and kissed him. The tension melted away immediately. It wasn’t a fully passionate kiss, it was just a peck.
I sat down next to him and he just looked at me, a little confused, a little happy but we just sat there, staring into each other’s eyes. There wasn’t any awkward tension. It was peaceful.

It had been weeks. We hadn’t kissed again or held hands, we kind of just melted back into our friendship.

At this point, we were just as close as ever, nothing had changed, except I had started dating who is now my husband.

We were hanging out at the park like we did almost every night after work, we were back at the place where I had kissed him. I felt what was about to happen, It was so fast that I didn’t really have time to react as much as I wanted too.

All I heard was ‘Fuck it’ and I was being kissed. A hand either side of my neck, lips pressed together, kissing me! I guess I was more in shock that he chose a time when I was seeing someone else, to kiss me when I had shown my interest weeks before.

Now it was a mess. I wanted him to be my friend but I didn’t want him to be hurt watching me with someone else. I was selfish in that sense. I wanted my boyfriend but I wanted my best friend. Having both was killing both of my relationships.

I had to choose. I hate that I had to choose but I did. I chose my boyfriend. I guess I made the right choice, he is my husband now. I just miss my best friend.

Within a week of my choice, he quit his job where we worked together, it was too hard for him to continue to see me.

Now I see it. I see he was hurting because he wanted me as well. Maybe he didn’t see how much he wanted me until he saw me with someone else. I don’t really know. I don’t have the answer. I still talk to him occasionally.
He is happy with another lady now, been together 3 years and counting and I couldn’t be happier that he finally found his happy ending.

There is always a bigger picture. Everything works out in the end.

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