*Trigger Warning* This post contains sexual assault/rape.
I was young when I met him. No, I don’t mean 5! I was about 16, maybe even 17. I was working at the restaurant I used to work at. In fact, it was a kiosk, in the middle of a shopping center.
He worked as one of those people in the middle of the walkway in the shopping center. The ones that try and sell you something or ask you to sign up for something.
We were giving each other the flirty eyes for a couple hours, you know the ones! He was tall, dark and handsome I guess we could say.
It wasn’t long before lunchtime rolls around and what better place to get lunch then to come to our restaurant? right? right. He came, I served him, he bought his food and everything was fine, more than fine! he was a dark man and I was intrigued. He was kind and sweet from the first time we spoke.
We kept giving each other the flirty eyes for the next couple hours.
it was nearing close to the end of my shift and he was standing behind me, calling out to me to come outside and sit with him. I made an excuse with the boss and quickly ducked out to speak to him.
Flattered and surprised, not really sure why now though, he came over to ask for my number and if I was busy the next day we could go on a date! My heart was racing, I was so nervous but so excited.
Of course, I gave him my number and we planned a date for the next day.
He had asked how old I was, I didn’t want to say, so I played it off and asked him, he was around 25, I mentioned after that about my age and confirmed if there was a problem or not, he was more then happy with it.
I had a horrible feeling but I put it down to nerves. I wasn’t so one to pay attention to my intuition back then, I moved past that and met up with him at the park we had chosen. It was right near my work.
He greeted me with a hug and a meal from the restaurant I worked in. I was so nervous to eat so I took a couple of bites to be polite and discarded the rest.
He didn’t have a plan for the day, me being young and nervous, I didn’t really either. Somehow we ended up at my house. My mum and stepdad weren’t home, I hoped we would stay downstairs, watch a movie, eat some popcorn, sweet, innocent things. Maybe a cuddle or even a sweet kiss?
Before I know it, he’s on top of me and we’re going upstairs, we were in my room and it was happening so fast. I didn’t consent but I didn’t object either. Then clothes are being removed and things are progressing. I was in the moment enough to remember protection.
As things started, I wasn’t okay with this anymore and I started to pull away, he was strong and overpowered me, he started to remove his protection, I manage to remove myself enough to stop it happening unprotected.
He started telling me how he wanted me to be the mother of his children, he wanted me to feel all of him without any protection but I was just there, naked, on my bed with my knees to my chest, I didn’t like any part of this anymore.
He grabbed me and pulled me to my knees, pulling me back onto him. He didn’t seem to take no for an answer, he became more aggressive and I became more upset. I think survival mode kicked in and
I think survival mode kicked in and I realized I needed to survive this so, I just did what I had to. I still didn’t want to continue without protection so he decided, all by himself, no warning, to shove himself in my anus. I screamed, I cried and I got up and took myself to the bathroom.
I got into the shower and I cried, I made my shower a quick one, I got out, got changed into my clothes and covered up how hurt I was.
I faked a call from my mum saying she was coming home and he got scared, he got changed and was leaving asap. He asked me to walk him down to the bus stop, which I did. Not surprisingly, he didn’t have money for the bus, soIi paid for this bus ride and he left.
I got home and my guard was finally able to go down, i went back to the shower and i curled up on the bottom and just cried.
I noticed there was blood trickling down the drain so I urgently tried to find it. With the force used to try and go into my anus, he tore me, I had an open wound, actively bleeding. I was so scared. I didn’t want to tell my mum, I thought i would get in trouble for bringing a stranger home, I should have known better.
So I hid, I hid the fact I couldn’t sit down, I hid the fact I was scared to go to work for the next couple of weeks in case i saw him, I just bottled it up and didn’t wanna speak about it to anyone.
Sadly, I never did. This person, this man is still out there, he’s probably done this to other people, I hope, I pray, he hasnt.
I write this, As hard as it is, I need to say this, I need to be the voice for the silent. If anything like this has happened to you, its not okay, you are entitled to say no and change your mind in the middle of anything to do with your body.
It is your body, your rules.
it could save a life.