I met him on Bebo, back in what? 2008? I think. I was fairly young. Back to the times of emo hair styles, black clothes and studded accessories, back to being ‘hard’?
He only added me on Bebo because I liked one of the same bands as him, funny right? We got talking. more talking, and even more talking. Soon enough I learned he was in Australia and while he wasn’t close, he was a plane ride away, being that I didn’t drive at the time and neither did he.
We started ‘dating’. I use quotations because I don’t even know how I did it, really. I mean, We skyped, we msned, we texted and of course, we voice called but is it really the same as being able to see someone while ‘real’ dating? no.
After about 6 months, it proved to have not worked out. We broke up. It hit hard, but I never met the person before so it couldn’t have really been that hard, could it? I cried for days, maybe even weeks but it was okay, I was okay.
It had been about a year, I think, since our break up. I still ‘loved’ him. It was my birthday, my 16th I think, my sweet sixteen. I received a message, on Facebook, it was him. He was wishing me a happy birthday, how nice of him.
He told me he missed me and wanted me back if I would have him, I missed being wanted, I missed being loved, so I accepted. We got back together.
I was with him for 8 months, I was still dating him when I moved to the city I lived in. Being the second time dating, we decided we had to meet. I saved up my pocket money and bought a plane ticket, one there, one back. I flew up to his house, I spent two weeks with him.
It was awkward, it was hard, I was crying, I was scared, I was in the unknown, going to someone’s house I’d never met, for the first time and to spend two weeks? What if something were to happen to me? I guess because I had him, nothing else mattered, I was complete.
He lived in a small town by the beach, his house backed on to the beach, we spent a lot of time there.
This was one of the first times I was intimate with someone. Someone, I thought I loved a cared about.
The two weeks away from home, away from my therapy cat, my mum, my own room and my own space,( even though I loved being there!), I missed home.
But me being emotional, I cried when I had to leave, I didn’t want to leave him as much as I wanted to go home. I was so torn. I felt the pain of a long distance relationship, it was hard. Do I want to go home to my house with my life there or to stay here with the man I love? Why do I have to choose? Well, the answer was because I was 16 and I didn’t really have a choice yet.
I went home and started making plans for the future. I wanted to move up to him or get him to move to me, I wanted to start working and build up savings for our life together.
It was barely a month after I got back from visiting him when I learned that he was actually having regular sex with another person, someone who was living near him, someone who could see him every day.
It was like I was living in a nightmare. How could he have spent two weeks with me, but actually be having sex with someone else every other day I’m not there? What? I trusted him! I had my whole heart of faith in him.
Not to my surprise, was soon as we broke up, they were together.
I think the worst part for me, was a month later, I get a message from him, he’s being happy and flirty, I was lost and confused. how? what? why!?
He wasn’t single at all. He was dating the person he’d cheated on me with. Was this what he was doing to every other girl while he was with me? I didn’t know but I thought i’d play with fire and milk it.
I did and he didn’t let up. He was persistent, consistent and more attentive than when we were ‘dating’. I remember screen shotting it all and sending it to his current partner. She deserved to know what he was really like.
Did it start shit? Absolutely. Was it worth it? absolutely. Did he continue to do it? Again, Absolutely.
I was frustrated, I didn’t understand.
He used to tell me I was causing fights with his current partner. Me? causing the fight? but.. I’m not the one seeking others.
Whilebeing with him, I was scared to upset him or he’d break up with me. He was controlling and manipulating. Long distance can take a toll. He would keep an eye on my friends, need to know where I am and who I am with at all times. No guy friends. Not even people I’ve known since a kid. No. Guy. Friends.
I don’t really have an ending because this person still contacts me to this day trying to flirt with me and get dirty pictures, whatever he wants out of me really. He always finds a way to get to me.
If youre in an abusive or controlling relationship, seek help.
Call your local police station.
Call a hotline.
Seek someones help.
It does get better. If you are in an abusive relationship, distance or not, you’re not alone and you deserve help.
it could save a life.